Loveday Studio: Crazy at the edge

Crazy at the edge of nothing where the howling winds scream across a barren landscape of unforgiving mystery as shadows move about where there is no light to block knowing the demons all by first name and breaking waves of madness lights the spark of splash between patterns of insanity and the darkness while the suffering pain of painful keeping the focus on the doing and ignore the pain remembering hours of long distance running when I ignored the pain and keep moving keep creating keep doing the work while the pain fondles the energy of what I have left to offer and I remember how my father never accepted that I became an artist he didn’t even know what this is to create but sometimes he would look at something I had finished when he was visiting and tell me it was good as I wondered if he even looked at it or was just saying it to be polite which was different as he was seldom polite to me but that was part of getting past where I came from and becoming who I am while the demons encroach and the pain reminds me that I’m still human out here on the edge with the insanity of creativity as the winds howl and I can’t go back oh how this hurts but it has always hurt like hell in this reality but I keep slamming into the next motion of making marks in the work while the pressure in between each flash of inspiration reminds me that it wasn’t just my father that didn’t want me to be an artist but all those that strive to stop my voice from singing out here against the deafening wind and I am inspired to keep going just to push back against that resistance to the voice in the pain of knowing that the suffering isn’t there to stop me from creating but is there to remind me that what I am doing is real and this is it this is who I am this is how it feels when one steps out into the unknown and makes it real again once more in spite of the resistance and I succeed in spite of the negativity that lurches in my insanity until that moment when it is all too much and I will lay down in humble surrender to the mortality of impermanence with one last flash glint eye light reflection before sailing into the unknown unfettered by flesh and bones but until that moment let the haters eat this victory against their immobility of spirit once again in freedom I sing in freedom I renounce all tethers in freedom I reside again

Oliver Loveday © November 6, 2013 2:30am EST

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