Crackle Hum
It just feels like there needs to be a brief interlude of narrative in the middle of this process of writing fifty poems to go with fifty pencil drawings. It's always a challenge to challenge one's self with a creative effort that projects into the future. There's a bit of linear thinking involved in this process that is totally non-linear. A cycle of rhyme and reason without recourse. After writing ten poems and doing some introspection about this process, I wake up one morning, this morning, and think back over how this process has evolved, going back to “The Tunnel Vision Tapes” sketchbook of 2010, and then “Sky Bones”. “The Tunnel Vision Tapes” sketchbook happened at that pivotal moment in my life where I went through an important experience in my life. I immersed myself totally into “The Real World”, which is the term used in Native American spirituality which parallels with other spiritual disciplines around the world, most notable and perhaps more accessible, that of Buddhism. During that transition in January, 2010, I was armed with a 3 x 5 inch sketchbook, a pencil, and an eraser. It served as a visual journal of the experience of letting go of the comfort zone of illusion. The cosmic joke is that one can't do visuals of the experience of no illusions. One can only hint at that experience.
One of the first things that I wanted to say after “going clear”, and having experienced “The Real World” was that the teachings need to be brought back to this basic format. They had become way too complicated. Aspects of the teachings of becoming an enlightened person are found in all of the spiritual teachings around the world. Some teachings do a better job of it than others. This is a function of spiritual development. My opinion of reality is that it is the goal of humanity to become enlightened. This is our universal goal. So “The Tunnel Vision Tapes” and then “Sky Bones” became two documents that provide these teachings in visual and literary works of creativity. I was coming back fresh and capturing the experience that would umbrella multiple concerns of spirituality for me on a personal level. In January, 2010, I was homeless and crashing in the storage room of a friend's house trailer with the bare minimum of resources. I would protest that it didn't have to be this difficult. One can go through this experience of enlightenment without having to lose everything.
So what can I say? I'm tough and I got through something that was nearly impossible in 2010 in the United States. When I look back over the history of spirituality, the current society of the United States of America in 2010 is the worst time and place to endeavor to become enlightened. The challenge to be able to step away from the norms of society and become a seeker and wanderer without being tied down to the obligations of financial and domestic responsibilities is almost impossible, and illegal. Thank you, Homeland Security. So when I landed in this apartment in Public Housing in March, 2011, I got another 3 x 5 inch sketchbook. One of the things that I discovered about “The Tunnel Vision Tapes” was how much I enjoyed doing pencil drawings. The second sketchbook wasn't limited to pencil, but most of the “entries” in it were of pencil. That sketchbook doesn't have a name yet. It's funny that some get titles and some don't. It was started on March 5, 2011, and was completed on March 20, 2023. As I got towards the end of it, and several things going on at the same time (back to that in a second), I wanted to get another small sketchbook dedicated to pencil. On March 15, 2023, I was heading down the road with my friend, Pat. We stopped at the art supply store in Knoxville where I picked up this small sketchbook, fifty sheets of paper, five and a half by eight and a half inches in size. I wanted to do a sketchbook of pencil that was fun. I did the first drawing on February 21, 2023.
One of the things that I did with “#2” sketchbook, for lack of a better name, was to do “Frozen Box #50”. This had become a series of drawings with a theme in “The Tunnel Vision Tapes”, which is a thread of a different topic. That series continues elsewhere. Not here. As far as I know. I've only made it to drawing number eleven, so far. It's funny. I woke up this morning thinking about this work of writing poetry for each drawing and thinking, “isn't there suppose to be a drawing about 'crackle hum', and didn't I do a poem about that already? That's first thing in the morning memory for you. Memory has been an ongoing observation for me over the years. I've always had a good memory that didn't skew much over time. Much. It does get distorted. All memory does. It becomes a much more focused task as we get older. My resolve when I was a teenager and realized that I was starting to forget stuff was to accept the fact that there is too much to remember, and not obsess about it. Yes. “Crackle Hum” was the first poem. That drawing begged to have a poem go with it. Then I did a video of it with a reading of the poem to go with the drawing. I can't say that I won't do a video for all fifty works, but not today, for sure.
It was supposed to be 50 in 50. Fifty drawings in fifty days. That didn't happen. I took a day off here and there. It was fun and I love pencil. It was a good size to work with, sketchbook wise. Meanwhile, just to keep it simple, I was doing some oil pastel drawings. I would do two oil pastel drawings each day, then a pencil drawing. Then I pulled out the “Carbon Ribbons” sketchbook. That title comes from the first drawing in the sketchbook. It was started back on April 20, 2016, after I had ordered ten sketchbooks of nine by twelve inches. I wanted one of them to be dedicated to pencil drawings only. That sketchbook was added to the mix and I would do two drawings in it each day. The last drawing was added on May 15, 2023. “Carbon Ribbons Reprise”. “50 in 50” ended a month earlier on April 15 with “Melodic Charge”. The theme of “Carbon Ribbons” was to consider the pencil drawings to be metal sculptures. Pencil is graphite which is carbon, which is a metal, and I was doing these metal sculptures in college and beyond. One of the things that I really loved to do was make the metal appear to be floating. I wanted to do this “drawing in space” thing that David Smith did with his metal sculptures. Lacking the opportunity to do welded sculptures, I could do these pencil drawings which would be the next best thing. Imagine pealing the carbon off the paper and suspending it in the air. Imaging doing three dimensional computer graphics videos of these sculptures floating and rotating and changing colors and I can see that. I've been trying to get going with a 3D animation software, Blender, which is open-source (as in free), but so far, I'm not there. Meanwhile, 50n50 happened and one of the things that evolved, this theme, of drawings related to mental health. I need to work on this theme of anxiety tied into some of the drawings. Anxiety is a function of spirituality. That's another for the next. Put some yellow highlight on that last sentence.
One of the things that these pencil drawings did was to highlight what is called “drawing with the eraser”. I would make a mess, then work it over with the eraser, then go back into it with the pencil. That was the procedure. The eraser would make things dissolve in space. Impermanence. The dissolving reality of the fog. My definition of reality back around 1975 was, “the form forming out of the formless fog”. There's a breakdown of concrete reality in all of this. Nothing is real. It is all an illusion. The illusion develops and is embedded in memory. The illusion has a function and that's where my take on it splits off from other teachings. It's of value. I can do these illusions of welded metal sculptures with pencil on paper that could become actual metal sculptures, given a studio and the materials, and so forth. Or they could be transformed into animated computer graphics videos. I could probably use some Artificial Intelligence program to make that happen. Which brings me to the political observation regarding paranoia around AI and why the US Congress isn't all that concerned. One issue is with regard to deep fakes. Computer programs can be used to take a photograph of a person and make them appear to be the participant in a pornographic video. 96% of these deep fakes are targeting women. I heard that on the news last night. So there's this thread of spirituality through the human experience called “Trickster”, and another one called the “Sacred Clown”. Both involve providing misinformation to challenge the person to sort through and come to the heart of the matter. What is the truth? U.S. Senators grew up jacking off to Playboy foldouts which had been airbrushed. We all know that's fake. What's the big deal? Crackle. Hum
Oliver Loveday © June 28, 2023, 10:35 am EDT
